The Constant Struggle

13 10 2008

I don’t know how many conversations I’ve had about my weight, how many times I’ve written about it or how much time I have spent agonizing over it.  Certainly the tallies for each would be vast. 

I am thirty-one years old.  I have have been overweight or struggling with my weight since I was in my early teens.  In May 2001, I joined Weight Watchers and lost a tremendous amount of weight.  When I joined, I weighed 214.5 pounds (my highest known weight).  In February 2002, I stepped on the scale to see my lowest weight as an adult – 137.5 pounds. 

For the past six years I have yoyoed from 145-165.  The cycle is such that once I see 165, I start a dieting regime that Adolph would envy.  Once I see 145, I start eating whatever is in sight – Outback Steakhouse’s cheese fries (listed in Eat This Not That as the most unhealthy restaurant fare) are a favorite of the me that lives in the expansionary period. 

Though not in a pleasing way, I seem to have broken the cycle as of late.  Seeing the scale at 165 did not do the trick this time.  This morning I weighed 183.5!  At the end of August, the scale said 189.0, so I am making small strides in the right direction.  I have been making an effort to be good on most days.  I weigh myself every morning, make an effort to get some exercise, try to eat 1700 or less calories per day and record everything I eat in my Fitday program. 

On Saturday morning, the scale read 179.5.  I noted my excitement over “a new decade of weight to race through” on my Fitday weight log.  I then proceeded to spend Saturday and Sunday binging.  Even as I write this post, I am thinking about the Halloween candy in the cupboard.  There are seven Reese’s peanut butter cups left! 

Part of starting this blog is to give me an outlet where I could express my feelings about my struggle with my weight.  I am certain that my friends and family are sick of hearing about dieting (or as I sometimes refer to it “a lifestyle change”), as they have had to put up with it incessantly for the past seven years.  Perhaps they will get some respite if I blog about it.

Weight Watchers is what worked for me in the beginning.  I lost 77 pounds, though I have gained 46 of it back six and a half years later.  I have tried joining Weight Watchers several other times since 2002 and it was not successful for me. 

Prior to attempting to have any children I would like for my body to be a healthy environment for a baby to grow in.  We are not ready to have a child right now, but it would be nice to not be worrying about my weight when we decide to try to conceive. 

What are some things that work for me?

Setting exercise dates with my friends and family motivates me to work out.  I worry that I will let them down if I don’t show up.  It is also nice to spend time with others in this way.  Does anyone want to become known as my regular Tuesday evening appointment?

 I enjoy reading Weight Watchers Magazine and stories about people losing weight and keeping it off.  Knowing that other people have been successful gives me hope for myself.  I try to take tips from their stories to use in my own journey.

I have to weigh myself every day.  I worry that if I skip a day, I will skip many days and get out of control.  The only time I stop weighing myself daily is when I have given up on my diet.  A life without my Tanita Scale could be a path to being featured on a television program like I Eat 33,000 Calories A Day

Vacationing or being away from home for work has been a struggle for me.  A lot of my dieting failure can be attributed to going on vacation.  It gets old eating out all of the time.  There are only so many healthy choices available at restaurants.  Sometimes McDonald’s fries or a Burger King Whopper are more appealing than yet another grilled chicken sandwich with no sauce accompanied by some type of fast food salad or fruit. 

Recently I took my scale with me when I was out of town for work for a week.  It helped me to stay on track.  I met my goals every day.  In this new world where travellers have to pay $15 per piece of checked luggage, I will still take my scale.

I need to exercise daily for at least twenty minutes.  If I don’t exercise one day, I am likely not to exercise the next.  The twenty minute minimum is a small enough goal that I can’t shrug it off even if I don’t feel up to it.  Usually once I get going, I am motivated to do more. 

Until last summer, I considered myself a runner.  I was involved in a local running group and participated in local races.  I was so proud of myself when I placed at a small local race and got a trophy.  In 2007 I made a list of life goals – one of which was to run a marathon. 

After one particularly long run I seriously injured my feet.  This injury has contributed to my weight gain.  I was getting a lot of good endorphins from running and burning a lot of calories.  Not being able to run made me not want to do any type of exercise at all. 

I have been going to a podiatrist and a physical therapist for my plantar fasciitis.  I have been lackadaisical about doing what the physical therapist suggests, but when I do follow through, it helps.  Last time I went to physical therapy, the therapist suggested that I try to start running again.  I am very excited about this.  I know that I need to start slowly.  Once I get started I will work very hard to ensure I don’t hurt myself again.

I have to write down everything that I eat.  Fitday software is a godsend when it comes to this.  Even when I binge I have to write down everything I eat.  It helps me to get back on track.  Previously, I have binged and then decided that my diet was “ruined” and then saw my way back up the scale. 

I try to eat around 1700 calories each day.  When previously working the Weight Watchers program I realized that I was eating between 1000 and 1200 calories a day.  I cannot maintain that over my lifetime.  The bad thing about the 1700 calorie a day goal is that there are times when I have eaten less than 1700 and I will then eat snacks to get up to 1700 calories.  This must stop!   

What works for you?

Composing this post has been therapeutic.  I no longer crave those Reese’s peanut butter cups.  Perhaps this blog will be all dieting all the time.  I definitely do not want to see 200+ again!




One response

14 10 2008

Hi, I just wanted to thank you for popping over and commenting on my post. One of my other commenters (Stef) has also set up a blog to help “talk out” her losing weight process. she has set a goal to lose 56 lbs by Feb.
I would love to encourage you however I can. I have not gained as much weight as some, but losing any amount of weight takes consistency and patience.

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