Peep

1 10 2007

When I was in junior high and early in high school I spent a lot of time with my best friend. We were BFFs (Best Friends Forever). Now I am perplexed by how different our lives have turned out. Hers is not a life I would want, but perhaps she does not envy mine either.

Once – maybe it was in the 7th grade – she showed me a small magazine that she had found behind her parents’ dresser. It was a little book of graphically incestuous stories. I for some reason assumed that it belonged to her step dad, who had recently become part of the family. But perhaps they enjoyed it as a couple. If the daughter found the magazine, so must have the mother.

How could she entertain such fantasies when she had a child to think about – a life she was responsible for shaping? A life she was responsible for protecting harm and ruin?

We skimmed it. It was scandalous to us – but at that time I didn’t realize how much so. This was before the Internet. They don’t sell these types of rags at the 7-11. Where did it come from? What did it mean?

When I spoke to her a few years ago, I mentioned the incident. She claimed not to recall. Did something related to this magazine happen to her that shaped her life to be what it is? A life so unlike my own… But we were BFFs! Wouldn’t she have told me – or was she telling me, a naive 12 year old girl – when she showed me what was printed on those horrible pages?

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